I: Punish
by Shimegami-chan
Summary: [I] A lonely ghost watches guiltily over his single charge. Part of the 'I' angst series!


Digimon's not mine. Don't sue. ;_;  
  
  
-------------------------------  
Shi-chan: I'm baaaaack...  
-------------------------------  
  
(I requiem)  
Punish  
By Shimegami-chan  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: _Ohisashiburi!_ It's been a while. I've been busy doing non-fanficcing things; translating and working part-time and becoming addicted to IRC. (Join us in #wolfpackproductions [key = wolfpack] on Dalnet!) I've also broken my wrist and am wearing a rather annoying cast on it, so that puts a (literal) crimp in my plans. I don't type too well one-handed. ^^;; And my laziness is letting my Support Services go to waste, so...   
  
This chapter was promised to several people. :) Hope you like. 

______________________________________________________________________________________________  
  


wander~ hitori de 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________   
  


I am walking Death.  
  
Forever.  
  
I am spirit constantly searching for release.   
  
I am a child, orphaned and abandoned.  
  
I will always be alone..  
  
  
  
This was all my fault.   
  
I've had the past few years to think about what-could-have-been, and what-have-I-done. All regrets...I whisper brokenly, but I've forgotten how to speak. I cry out, but no one hears my voice. I reach out to touch...I feel nothing. My sight and hearing exist only as a cruel reminder of the damage I have done simply by existing.   
  
Would I choose _not_ to exist, if given the chance to do it again? I suppose things could have turned out differently if I didn't. So much has been sacraficed for me that I can't help but wish I really had never been born. Or at least that I never had died.   
  
Right now I'm in a mental hospital, plain and simple. I'm not a patient. I come here voluntarily, every day, to punish myself.   
  
I sit quietly in the plain white room and watch the doctors perform the most idiotic of tests on my little brother. They ask him his name -- no problem, the Evil inside him knows that he must answer correctly if he wants to get his way. They ask him about his friends--and he almost always forces the demon away long enough to babble about his best friend Daisuke--and sometimes about me, though _those_ questions are usually headed off by the Evil before he gets too emotional. Then they give him a picture to color or some equally stupid intelligence test, and he blithly finishes it--he has no choice. Imagine, the most intelligent mind in Tamachi coloring pictures like a second-grader! It humiliates him, but he knows there is no other way.   
  
He sits, then, in his room, and waits for Daisuke to come--often having an internal-but-out-loud arguement with the Evil inside him. He calls it Cruelty, while Daisuke refers to it as the Kaizer, but who or what it is makes no difference to me. I want it out of my little brother, but it will not go--while he sleeps I often plead with it, and it finds humor in my appeals. I can only speak with it--him, the Kaizer--while Ken is unconscious, as it is the only time when he has free reign of Ken's body. As one spirit to another, he talks to me--often taunting his hold over Ken, and my powerlessness. Though I would love to equally anger him mentioning how much control Ken has gotten back, and the likelihood of him forcing the Kaizer out forever, I do not, for fear he will inflict his anger on the boy whose body he inhibits. I can only be secretly glad that Ken is regaining strength and confidence.   
  
And so I sit here, night after endless night, day after day, unseen, unheard--listening. I cannot atone for what I have done to Ken, even in the past; my treatment of him as a child, confiscating his Digivice, scolding him for things any child does. For driving him over the edge, into this timid child with a raging maniac inside of him.   
  
Every hardship Ichijouji Ken must go through, I go through by his side. I watch his misery. I feel his pain. I long, but I cannot touch him, or speak to him, or even communicate that I am by his side.   
  
I force myself to, because it is my fault Ken has come to this.   
  
I can never hug my little brother again.   
  
This is my punishment.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
-------------------------------------  
Shi-chan: Hands up who guessed Osamu before paragraph three... Seki: Short, but we (That's a royal we of course :P) spent most of the night working on Ryo's. Read on... 


End file.
